Master Cleanse (IT MUST BE DONE)

So as you read ive been doing very well with walking and eating right to lose my weight. A few days ago my love wanted to make so Philly cheese steaks sandwiches. I agreed to eat it. I ate it and the next morning i was in the mirror absolutely lost for words. my face has broke out in pimples and bumps. That morning after my personal melt down. i drop my son off to school. I went to the store and bought some maple sausage patties and some more breakfast food. I go back home and put my food into the fridge and i look in the mirror and i see a big pimple on my nose. Let me also mention that i also just caught a light cold over the weekend. I don’t know why this is happening but i sat down a realize that i need to cleanse my body from all the bad stuff that is in my system.

I’m willing to do a Master Cleanse. A master cleanse contain water, maple syrup grade A, lemons or the lemon juice and canyenne pepper <—- I don’t think i spelled that right. lol. I’m going to do this for 10 days and just want my system to be cleaned out. Some people do 20 days but im doing it 10 days and if I’m really good i might go 15 days but who knows. I’m starting tomorrow and i will keep you guys updated!

UPDATE ON MY WEIGHT LOSS JOURNEY!!!

HELLO!!!! I’m so sorry i have not been blogging. I have been trying to just stay focus on my walking. Now i must admit. I was unsuccessful with the challenges BUT it is OK. every week i do at least  4 days of walking with myself or with my kids in their double stroller. At first i was walking 3.5 to 4.0 miles. now i just do 4.0 miles nothing less. When i walk by myself i can walk under at least 65 mins. When i walk with the kids i push 80 mins. So since i got into the groove. Just letting you guys know i have not stop.

My food intake has been awsome. i found an app that help me so much. The app is called “My fitness pal” i love it!! The app has me eating under 1600 calories. I’ve been able to scan products that im going to eat and the app tells you if you are to a particual limit. For example i scan a of veggie chips. It will tell you that you need to stay under a certain amount. The app will give you kudos and email your trackings. I also use “Map my walk” putting these apps togather has help me in so many ways.  So i’ve been been able to be positive in my weightloss journey. I have’nt fell off people. KEEP THE FAITH!

P.S also the tae bo challege was a fail, it only last for 1 day. lol but the walking will continue.

CHALLENGES!!!!!! PLEASE JOIN!!!

I’ve never cared to do 30 days or 60 days challenges. So i sat here this weekend and it hit me. I made up my own challenges!!! I have two challenges that i will be doing. The first one is a 100 miles in 30 days challenges. You think its sounds like a lot but it is not everyday you can do 3.3 miles a day (I think it is the right calculations lol) My 2nd one is doing Tae Bo for 60 days. I like Tae Bo. It is easy and if o don’t have a lot of dvd’s on him you can go on YouTube and see full work outs. so that is my challenges. I start tomorrow with the both of them.  I got to start waking up early so i can get use to getting up and taking my son to pre-school again. I’m so nervous that I’m going to fail. But i heard if you are tired of starting over. Stop quitting. well i got to stop quitting and start do and living. Like i said both challenges start tomorrow and the 30 day challenge end in September 4 2015 and the 60 day challenge ends in October 2 2015. If you think this is something you can do. I say to do it whenever. Have some friends join you. i won’t have anybody but i have my Love support so I’m happy. If you have nothing to do why don’t you join me. Let’s lose weight together!!!! overcome challenges!!!!

Dr.Appt (OBGYN) Rude Reality Check

So yesterday i went in for my appointment to get checked out. Down there in the (va-j-j) LOL. i go into the office nervous as ever. I was like 20 mins late only because i thought it was at the doctor office near me but finding out i was needing to go to the further one. I get called in and the nurse says ok step on the scale for me…. i walked on the scale and it hit me like a ton of bricks. The scale should of said that i was FAT AS HELL. In numbers it said 278 lbs…. I’m ashamed of even typing that number. If you seen me in real life you may or may not see where the hell is the weight. But the number hurts really bad. i was numb the whole time i sitting there with the nurse. All i could think was
“i’m really fucking fat! I have no clue where? of why? my weight has jump up like that. I will admit i’m on the Depo shot.

As i sit in the room to see my OBGYN i am trying to put on a pitty party on for myself at the same damn time watching on YOUTUBE how people are going through their weight loss journey. This is so unfair i’m telling myself. Why am i so fat? yep this is all your fault. You are so damn greedy. I’ve been wanting to get my tube tied. I’m NOT trying to have anymore. So i was hard on it when i was pregnant because i was miserable as all hell. Love the blessing though!!! I did not go thru with it when i had just had my daughter. I was hungry and i did not prepare myself to starve for a whole day and night so i let it go. Now that I’m sitting here with my pitty party my doctor comes in. He greets me and happy to see me. I just flew out of my mouth i was my tubes tied and i gotta get my weight down.So he agreed and was like well sign this paper and you will be good. so in all I’m getting my surgery done next week to get my tubes tied. another blog for that. But this weight is outta hand and i need to get with it. This mean i need to get down to 200 lbs by Jan. I’ve just change my eating habit and now im drinking a gallon of water a day im so trying to flush toxins out of my body. so ive made a new Instagram working on this weight loss journey. I CAN NOT LOSE!! I’LL LOSE THE FAT THOUGH!!

F.E.A.R Don’t Let It Get To You

Sorry for taking so long to blog. I’ve been getting ready for our family trip to a really nice zoo. It is actually for my son birthday, he will be turning the BIG 4 this week. So my love put this trip together for him. I’m so excited but i know I’m going to be so tired because we gotta drive for like 4 hours and it is going to be like 3 o’clock in the morning. This going to be fun. I get to exercise my OCD and organization. lol but let’s get back to the main topic. I’ll be blogging about our trip in a few days. I will have pics too!

Ok, Fear. Growing up as a kid we had a lot of fears. examples: Dark, Heights, falling, doctors, shots, rides at the amusement part, ect. The list can go on. But as an adult you think nothing can stop you. You were able to overcome these simple things you were scared of when you were little. So what is stopping you?

For me F.E.A.R. has always had me but as an adult what the hell am i scared of? well, I can say for me F.E.A.R. of failing, people thinking of my ideas are stupid or just worrying about what others would say. I have had this problem for a long time. Now in this phase of my life i hafta overcome this F.E.A.R. all your fears that you have are not visible. It is not a gun or any type of weapon that is going to hurt you if you make a choice to do something for yourself or to better your life. F.E.A.R. is invisible. It is all in our heads. But how do we get this out of our head? I look at F.E.A.R like this…. Halloween time, you go into a haunted house. You know it is fake but you are scared shitless. yes i use the word “shitless”. lol only because im terrified of haunted houses. I was 27 going to my first haunted house even my love had his first time to but he did better than me. So it is all in your head overlook it. Tell yourself that this F.E.A.R. you are having is for the birds and do what you need to do. And I’m telling myself the same thing.

F.E.A.R is nothing but a fake haunted house, it is all in your head. I promised myself to forget that feeling of being scared all it does is keep me from my blessings. I just realize this is what keeping me from some of my goals i made in my blog in the past, so i can’t keep having this F.E.A.R.

(BOOK REVIEW) How To Look Hot In A Minivan By Janice Min (DOLLAR BOOK)

So sorry, It felt like ive been taking forever trying to put this blog book review out.

I went into Dollar Tree getting me a few things (more than a few things lol) and it never fail when i walk pass the novels there are some dollar books out there. you would be surprised what treasures you will find. So i see this big pink book and i grab it and it is called “How To Look Hot In A Minivan” By Janice Min. Janice Min was the Editor in Chief of Us Weekly Magazine in 2003. I read the introduction as my son running around playing with three plungers. i hope i spelled it right. In this book is talks about she was before she was pregnant and in the introduction and on how her body change and what she have learned from celebrities. So as the first chapter goes. It explain how you body changes and what it is going through. As the you go through the book it reveals on how to get rid of the baby weight and how the celebrities do it. celebrities share how they dealt with their pregnancy and how the baby weight just don’t fall off. This book also give tips on your skin, how to take care of it. How to eat healthy and correctly not the these famous fab celebrities do. Explain how you do your make up and hair, also the workouts you can do to work the weight off an become the hot mom you can be.I give this book a 2 thumbs up. So as you see i bought the book it only cost  a dollar. I have bought another book for a dollar i will tell you guys at the end of this blog. I went online to see how much this book really cost and i seen 20 dollars and 6 dollars and 16 dollars. But i bought it for a DOLLAR!! I’m also advising that you go to your closest dollar tree and there are some books you would be surprise that are there.

Ok the second book i got is by Jennifer Hudson it is called “I Got This, How I changed My Ways And Lost What Weighed Me Down”  I will start this book tonight or tomorrow morning. I’m encouraging the women that read this to find books that are inspiring. If you like you can comment in the comment box and tell me what book your reading and ill find it and give it a review. i will be giving this book a review when im done with it.

I’M GETTING PROFEESIONAL HELP (THERAPIST)

ok i have this thing that i want to start something, it has to be on Monday it weird. So yesterday i went to my apartment building gym for 40 mins of cardio and afterwards I sat in the lobby and I said to myself…… like i need a therapist. So i went online and found me a therapist. I was nervous when i made the appointment. I had a previous memory in my head of when i was younger and i told my mom we need to get counseling to talk things out. The response i got was that we don’t go to a therapist. We keep things to ourselves and don’t share with anyone. Well, I got older and I tried to “deal with my own problems.” The thing is I’m a talker. I love to talk things out or what is on my mind. So the older i got the more i would just tell anyone my business. The sad thing was i listening to what everybody had to say and in all reality no one cared what i was going through.

I have this thing of crying things out. i try to be this super no sensitive black woman. ima tell you know. It does not work for all black women. i seen this saying on facebook and i was like this is exactly me, it said. “My skin is tough it’s my soul that is sensitive.” that hit me right on top of my head. I’m tough through a lot of situations it is just my soul that be hurting. You see when peopl.e on the streets criticize me im fine because they don’t know me. But when someone close does it. It hurt like you put me on fire. Call me sensitive and that is fine. I’m a sensitive thug. LOL!!

Now being older. I have restrict myself on who i talk to. Even the people i was selectively talking too still don’t care. So i told myself im getting a therapist. I want to be able to speak to someone who is able to properly get real feed back and give you good advice on how to take on life. I wanted to share this with you guys because you never know who is going through what you going through or worst. That is one of my many  million of reasons of why i started this blog of my life. Don’t be afraid to get help. I don’t care who you are. get help.

Now my first appointment is in two weeks and i will keep you guys updated on how it is going.

Wants, Desires, Dreams and Goals (I NEED TO GET WITH IT)

I think everyone has dreams and goals but the question is can you seperate the two? Over the years i have not been able to. In all reality i have not been able to stick to a goal have not went through with it. i have many and i mean many dreams but you say put it as a goal. I’m a lost duck in the water.

I have alot of dreams. I dream of having atleast a 300,000 to 500,000 thousand dollar home. In a gated community and my kids in a good school system doing sports or what ever they want. My dream car is a Lincoln Navigator up to date. I dream of having a Coffee Shop and a body and bath shop and to be able to take my kids on out of country vactions at least 1time a year.

My wants and desires are just simple. i want to have a good communication relationship with my love. i want to be a marathon runner. i want to be able to work at home and not work for nobody else. I want a better car now. I want my emotions in tack. well, i guess i lied when i said they are simple i have alot wants and desires.

Having the kids has mos def got me off my game of working on me because I’ve been working on the kids. I go to stores and look at my bestfriend and other women like damn…..ya got it together. these women are able to accomplish goals an make them dreams and have kids too. So what the HELL is my problem? i gotta get back to finding a balance lifestyle.

Now here is the damn challenge i have a problem with and that is goal setting. If you ask me to set a goal it is almost like asking me to cook without looking the whole time. Im going to fail. It is not easy for me at all. i can write a goal down but to stick to it. It’s hard. Some people would hear this and say, “You have no motivation.” That might be the case. Also a way i  think, that is going to have to change. In all reality i have fear. Fear is my worst emeny. Being young and growing up, my mom did not finish things she was doing or she would have me in some type of club or group and i had to leave it because of money or she just didnt have the time. So you may think that i can overcome that. It is not as easy as you think. Another big thing is support. I don’t have much support. Being back at home you would think that i would have the support system on lock. Nope, think AGAIN. I have my love who supports me and my kids that gives me the energy of what I need to do but once again it is not easy. I need to train my mind in a better way of thinking and when you been thinking like the same way for so long. It is a bad habit to break. But since I’ve put myself out on blast i will start to think postive. since i air out that part of my life laundry now i can say, “I THINK I CAN.” LOL like the train that your teacher read to you in 1991. ok i was in the first grade but yea. so as you read this keep me in your prayers so i can be as positive and productive to my goals and dreams. right here i will make a short term goal list of what i need to do and a long term list.  You (the reader) will be with me every step of the way. this is going to be a hell of a ride. Here we go!

---

SHORT TERM GOALS

• lose 20lbs
• start jogging a mile to a point and back
• read a book all the way this month
• keep the home in order everyday
• keep up with dirty clothes within the week
• get aleast one me time day once a month
• begin to meditate for atleast 5mins
• working out for 3 days out the week
• getting togather the cost of getting my bath and body business started
• picking up something to keep my brain going
• potty train my son in 30 days (this is going to be fun)
• spend quality time with my love

---

LONG TERM GOALS

• get down to 200lbs by the time my daughter is turning one
• to become a runner and getting prepared for a marathon
• reading 2 books within a month
• keep the house entirely cleaned
• continue to achieve one day out of the month for a spa day
• work toward getting my meditation instructor lisence
• work towards becoming a personal trainer.
• run my own bath and body business smoothly
• fully learn a new language and start on another diffrent language

---

DREAMS

• being 180 to 160lbs by the time im 30
• run at least 1 marothon before im 30
• continue reading books
• have my meditation and personal trainer license
• running my bath and body business smootly
• know and learn at least 2 to 3 laugange and travel the world

First Step On Making A Changes (Forgive And Not Forget but Learn From It)

I don’t know if this is a qoute but it popped up in my head ” Yesterday is dead, like dead people. You can’t bring it back.” Once this came up in my head. It gave me a calm security of my life and the past. I’ve heard many quotes and saying that should help get over the past or let things go did’nt work for me. I also think that you have to be mentally prepared to let things go. saying and doing it is something totally diffrent I know. For years i would say I was over what has happen to me in the past and in reality i would not forgive myself and i did not learn either only because of the pain i was feeling. I would not let it go. I think it is ok to remember that feeling but to not let it run your entire life. I know someone right now that is close that has let their past run their entire life. I mean the way the look, act, talk to people it is terrible. This person think the world owes them something. Also that brings me to say this. The world owes you nothing. No one owes you nothing. I hate when people think that way. I think it is a negative way of thinking. We will talk about negative thinking in another blog.

I have told myself that im over what I’ve been through. Not only am i doing this for myself but im doing this for my family, my daughter and my son. If I continue this negative way of thinking. My kids will see it and think that is the way of thinking. The reason i know this is because i was that kid that seen that way of thinking all my life. I thought it was normal but now this has affected me so bad. It has had me ruin many relationships down the line with not forgiving myself and when people did things to me it was not easy to for me to forgive them. I held it against them, holding it over their head. It is the time now to change it, I think before I turned 30 and this is my first step forgiving myself and not forgetting but learning from the past.